International Midwives Day

On May 2, 2008, at 9:30 am, the fourth annual International Midwives Day Celebration will be held at Mountain Laurel Lodge, the office of Krystn Madrine, birth educator and agitator in Centre County. What began as a way to meet other midwives when Krystn was new to this area has become a tradition!  The morning will feature a speaker, Lizzie Sensenig, who will share her journey to getting her CPM.  After a potluck lunch, MAP will hold its second meeting. Many women from all over this state have RSVP’ed, and this looks to be a great big and diverse group! Please join us for this special celebration of midwifery.  For more info please email Krystn at klmadrine@pamidwivesalliance.org.

Birthing, Naturally

By Jennifer Quinn

There is nothing I can think of which is more fundamentally transforming, and yet completely natural, than giving birth to a child.  Change is experienced physically, mentally and emotionally.  It is a process of pure growth, in leaps and bounds, for the physical being, the spiritual being and the emotional being, as well as the family unit, community and universe as a whole.

It seems in today’s society, birthing a child has become less about a woman’s personal growth and transformation and more about adhering to a vision, seemingly created by men, which is limited to how efficient and painless a birth can be.  And let me just state, what birth can be and what birth is meant to be is oftentimes at odds in this line of thinking.

There is a level of mental and emotional strength necessary to birth a child.  This is necessary because of the measure of mental and emotional strength it takes to raise a child.  Having come through a natural birthing experience, women become empowered and positive, and have this strength to draw on throughout the rest of their lives.  At least, that was my experience.

My son was born two weeks post date in a hospital setting, while I was hooked up to an IV and fetal monitor after having been induced with pitocin. It was an event which I still wanted to experience naturally, much to the chagrin of the stream of medical professionals floating through to regale me with stories of how much easier it could be if I just had an epidural.

Now, I am not advocating natural and/or home-birthing across the board.  Of course there are situations where either physically or mentally the help of a skilled medical professional can result in a birth which would be risky and/or life threatening in the absence of modern scientific technology. But here’s the thing, it has become society’s accepted view on birth to see a sterile hospital room with surgery possible a moment away should something go wrong.  And taking “too long” is considered something going wrong.  It is a bleak picture for advocates of natural birth, home birth and birth choices in general.

Imagine laboring in the comfort of your home, naked and assuming any position which makes you feel comfortable.  Imagine your partner, friends and family able to come and go at will – your will.  Imagine eating and drinking whatever you need to sustain your energy.  Perhaps a loving midwife assessing your progress as your curiosity warrants.  

Imagine your favorite music playing and dim, comforting lighting.  Imagine your verbalizing does not reverberate down a stark hallway, inspiring fear in the hearts of mothers birthing quickly and neatly thanks to medicine and medical professionals, but joins in a chorus with your loving partner and perhaps a labor doula who encourages and calms you.  

Imagine a baby being introduced to the world by way of a warm tub full of water and delivered directly to their mother’s breast where they are encouraged to immediately exercise their natural instinct to suckle, instead of being immediately whisked away to be cleaned, banded, printed and even inoculated.

My daughter was born in the comfort of my own home.  It was a birth attended by two loving midwives, their apprentice, my husband, my 18 month old son and a close friend.  One of the highlights of my birth memory is that of my son playing peek-a-boo with my midwife, Christy, while I labored on our couch.  They were peeking around my belly as I was naked, positioned on my knees, facing the back of the couch where my husband stood massaging my shoulders and providing loving support.    

Ultimately, my daughter was birthed in a labor tub where my husband and I, exhausted but ecstatic, snuggled our newborn in the warm water, where my son joined us to marvel at the new amazing addition to our family.  The screaming newborn flailing about in shock, a memory from my son’s birth, was nowhere to be found as my daughter began nursing in minutes in the comfort of the warm tub.

If this vision strikes fear in your heart, think why you don’t feel comfortable in your naked skin, in the comfort of your own home, surrounded by loving and caring people who believe so deeply that you know exactly what you are doing, intuitively.  Think why you may not trust yourself to work with your as yet unborn child to make their entrance to this world an experience the two of you will be amazed and proud of for your entire lives. Think why fear and doubt enters your heart and your mind in a place where peace, love and strength are meant to reside.

Everything changes when you become pregnant.  Your pregnancy is a moment in your life, culminating in your opening-up, more than you ever dreamed, to bring a new being into everyone’s life.  Let it be a time to open your mind as well.  Entertain the possibility that centuries of experienced women know more about birth than decades of scientists trying to make one of the most defining moments of your life and your child’s life shorter and easier and neater because they are not comfortable with the awe-inspiring power of a woman who has learned how to follow her intuition and natural instincts.

 

Pa. midwife fights to keep working

Court case over births pits private preference vs. public policy.

This article originally printed in The Philadelphia Inquirer, April 20, 2008.

By Angela Couloumbis
Inquirer Harrisburg Bureau

NEW PROVIDENCE, Pa. – Diane Goslin misses the feel of a pregnant belly beneath her hands, the tiny beats of life pulsing inside.

Months have passed since she has guided a woman through the pains of childbirth in the way she believes nature intended: at home, without drugs, surrounded by family and friends.

Though she keeps busy tending her organic garden, home-schooling the youngest of her five children and renovating the two bed-and-breakfast inns that she and her husband run in Lancaster County, the 50-year-old midwife is consumed by the controversial legal case that has brought her career, her way of life, to an uneasy halt.

“I feel like every cell of my being is dying,” said Goslin, who has helped deliver more than 5,000 babies in the last quarter-century, many to women in Lancaster County’s Amish communities.

Since August, Goslin has been under a cease-and-desist order from the Pennsylvania State Board of Medicine, which charged her with practicing medicine and midwifery without a license. The action was spurred by the 2005 death of an Amish baby she had delivered a day earlier. The county coroner determined she was not at fault.

Goslin is fighting the order. Her appeal, in Commonwealth Court, has brought together an array of allies, including Amish families and advocates of home-birthing.

Outside the Capitol on April 9, hundreds of Amish from across the state silently rallied for Goslin, who is neither Amish nor Mennonite. The sea of white bonnets and yellow straw hats was a striking sight against the backdrop of the statehouse.

They and other supporters believe Goslin’s case is about larger, more fundamental questions:

Does a woman have the right to give birth where she wants, attended by whom she wants?

And is birth a medical procedure, requiring a nurse or doctor? Or is it a natural process, as inherently a part of life as breathing?

Midwifery is an ancient profession, referenced in the Bible and other religious texts. The midwife’s role was to travel to a laboring woman’s home to provide support and coax a baby into the world.

Not until the 1900s in the United States did childbirth start moving into hospitals, said Marsden Wagner, retired director of women’s and children’s health for the World Health Organization.

Births began to be attended by doctors and so-called nurse-midwives – women with nursing degrees who specialized in childbirth. Today, those nurse-midwives almost always collaborate with obstetricians or other physicians.

Goslin is not a nurse-midwife. She is a certified professional midwife, having obtained certification through the North American Registry of Midwives 12 years ago. Twenty-two states, including New Jersey, recognize the certification in their licensing and regulatory requirements.

Pennsylvania does not. Only nurse-midwives can be licensed to practice, and there are 356 of them in the state, compared with an estimated 100 non-nurse midwives in the 67 counties. The state has previously cited other non-nurse midwives with cease-and-desist orders.

“We have licensed midwives . . . for a reason – to protect the safety of Pennsylvanians,” said Leslie Amoros, spokeswoman for the Department of State, the administrative agency for the State Board of Medicine.

The state contends that providing care to pregnant and laboring women constitutes the practice of medicine.

Goslin and other non-nurse midwives believe birth need not occur in a hospital. They say most pregnancies and births are normal; when there are complications, they refer women to doctors.

“Women have been scared into believing that they can’t have birth anywhere but in a hospital,” said Wagner, the retired World Health Organization director. “That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

Goslin and other non-nurse midwives say they don’t want to become nurse-midwives, which they believe would lock them into treating birth as a medical procedure.

Because they collaborate with obstetricians, nurse-midwives are subject to restrictions, many dictated by malpractice concerns. Many of them do not attend home births, but work in hospitals, where laboring women are more likely to get medical intervention, including cesarean sections and labor-inducing and pain medication.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists argues that childbirth has become safer for mothers and babies in the last 60 years because of medical technology and improved access to trained providers and emergency obstetrical and neonatal care. The group opposes out-of-hospital births, advising that if women “choose to assume the risk of home birth,” they should do so with a licensed professional.

Goslin and her supporters counter that women should have a choice in how and where to birth their babies.

For Lancaster County’s Amish, that is at home, with a midwife who understands their religious preference and needs. Ten Amish families have filed an amicus brief in Goslin’s case, contending that the State Board of Medicine’s cease-and-desist order is a “serious threat” to their way of life and free exercise of religion.

“It is the hallmark of the Amish way of life that their religion leads them to choose at-home births,” the brief states.

James J. Kutz, Goslin’s attorney, has argued before the court that although state law licenses nurse-midwives and permits them to perform diagnoses and dispense drugs, it still allows “conventional” midwives to perform functions associated with the natural development of childbirth. They include ensuring labor progresses normally and “catching” a baby when it is born.

Those are functions Goslin longs to resume.

She does not do what she does for money, she said. Her compensation has sometimes come in the form of sheep, pies, produce and quilts.

She said she and other professional midwives did not work underground; they sign birth certificates and establish relationships with doctors in case of an emergency.

“There is no amount of nursing school that could prepare me any better,” Goslin said. “I hope the court sees it that way, too, because I miss what I do terribly.”

 

Contact staff writer Angela Couloumbis at 717-787-5934 or acouloumbis@phillynews.com.

Ten Ways To Reach Out To The Black Community

By Jennie Joseph LM, CPM
Executive Director, The Birth Place / Commonsense Childbirth Inc.
ICTC State Representative, Florida

Have you ever wondered how it might feel to be in the minority, to be different from the rest, judged and assessed by a component of your make-up totally outside your control? A CNM friend of mine, who happens to be white, returned from a mission trip to Haiti recently. She expressed the joy and empowerment she felt being of help and service to the women she worked alongside yet was also honest about how she struggled when she first arrived. She found herself overwhelmed, lost and confused about how she ‘appeared’ to the majority black population. She felt uneasy with herself and with the people and was inclined to hide, holding herself back from being fully self-expressed. Luckily she got past it very quickly, realized her purpose and thoroughly enjoyed herself. Mission accomplished!

Many midwives have asked me ‘How do I reach Black women in my community?’ Here are a few ideas.

Act like a tennis shoe – Just do it!  Talk is cheap, if you have resolved to do this before and never gotten around to it, or even if this is your first time – today is the day. Start by talking with your staff and supporters, set a meeting date to discuss how you feel about this issue and the change you would like to bring to your practice. Be prepared to be honest with yourself and each other.

Assessment. Look at your current marketing and review whether you are likely to be perceived as being a viable option for women of color. Does your brochure work for all women? Does it address what they really need to know? How abut the art on your walls at your office, the books on your shelf, the educational materials, the children’s toys? Are your staff and supporters a reflection of who you want to serve?

Outreach. Create materials that are culturally sensitive, reflect the message you are trying to send and are placed in the appropriate places. For example health food stores, neighborhood grocery stores and restaurants, daycare centers, hair salons and churches. Offer to write educational pieces for the Black press, college newspapers and websites. Get out and speak, anywhere that will have you, and mention the plight of Black perinatal outcomes and midwifery efforts to address it, every time. 

Talk to Black Women. Get in touch with Black women you have previously delivered or worked with, ask their opinion on how your materials and your message impacted them. Listen to their feedback. Get in touch with ICTC ( HYPERLINK “http://www.blackmidwives.org” www.blackmidwives.org) for a directory of Black midwives and healers as well as to ask for support in your endeavors. 

Mine your resources. Find the doulas, birth assistants, students, women’s studies, massage therapists, volunteers etc in your community who are of color. If there are none, offer to precept, intern, or be a job shadow for women wiling to travel to work with you (there are many). Create a project, research or focus group study to find out why Black women are not ringing your phone off the hook. 

Financial Issues. Not all Black women are poor but access to quality care is a major problem. What insurance do you take and how do you help women to negotiate the complexities? Do you take Medicaid, State health plans, Children’s health plans? Are you wiling to educate yourself or your staff on the barriers to health care in your area? Are you willing to change your financial policies – perhaps a more flexible payment plan, sliding scale, ‘take what insurance pays’ only? Have you looked at Medical Credit Card plans like you find at the dentist? And after all the rethinking are you sharing the message of your newfound ways with the people who actually need to know? 

Connect to your State Healthy Start Program. Even if there is no such program in your state there is still going to be a marked disparity between Black and White infant mortality. Find out who is active in addressing such concerns locally – if nobody, then of course it can become your opportunity to make a stand. Become a board or task force member, let people know the impact midwifery has on outcomes. Share what you are wiling to do and network amongst the various agencies and players in the public health world. Remember, sadly, the majority still does not really understand what we do and why we do it. 

Home Birth is not for everyone. Have you considered providing prenatal care and transferring your client to an OB for delivery? Thinking outside the box is saving lives. Talk to your friendly OB – who could refuse a fully prenatal-ed, healthy and educated patient, handed over on a plate at full-term? Cha- ching! Yes, it is difficult to accept that some women still want to go that route but again, consider your purpose. Start childbirth education courses for hospital birthers in your area – you will be able to convert some and educate the others, not to mention build a group of mini-marketers who will be talking-up your practice in their community whether they deliver with you or not.

Educate your circle of influence. You may know about the sad state of affairs in America but not everyone understands the racial disparities and the broad impact on our society. Keep simple messages handy, for example – ‘Did you know that twice as many Black babies as White are born too soon, too small or will not reach their first birthday?’ These kinds of points can be worked into conversations with your current clients, your staff, your sister midwives, your family. You never know who will hear something and be a catalyst for a positive change. Let it be known that you are a midwife for all women and that you are standing for change.

Familiarize yourself with programs and people who need your support and are willing to support you in turn. Get in touch with International Center for Traditional Childbearing (ICTC) run by Shafia Monroe - www.blackmidwives.org, MANA’s own Midwives of Color Region, Sheila Simms Watson and of course myself, Jennie Joseph founder of The JJ Way™  MCH healthcare delivery system – www.jenniejoseph.com 

Remember, change is difficult for us all, but change we must. If we are to be a stand for women then that includes all women. Every woman deserves a healthy baby and every woman deserves a midwife. 

 

Jennie Joseph 

www.jenniejoseph.com 
www.thebirthplace.org 
www.commonsensechildbirth.org 
www.nubianhealthnetwork.org

©2008 Jennie Joseph 

Commonwealth Court Will Decide Fate of PA Midwives

By JODY WARD, M.Ed.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008 Nearly 1,000 people gathered at the State Capitol today in support of Lancaster County midwife, Diane Goslin, who was appealing a cease and desist order from the PA Board of Medicine handed down last September.

The Board of Medicine found Mrs. Goslin in violation of the Medical Practice Act of 1985 for “practicing medicine without a license.”  

The Board based it’s finding on the assertion that midwifery constitutes the practice of medicine. Goslin has never been charged with negligence or endangerment.

Mrs. Goslin is a Certified Professional Midwife – a certification which is recognized in 23 other states. She has practiced midwifery in Pennsylvania for 25 years and has attended over 5,000 births.

Goslin’s appeal was heard by all seven judges of the Commonwealth Court in the Supreme Court room of the Capitol.  They will now decide whether or not the Pennsylvania Board of Medicine correctly concluded that anyone assisting a women in childbirth is practicing medicine.  A decision is not expected for at least a week.

Goslin’s attorney, James Kutz, said, “This is a case where your fundamental freedoms run headlong into government regulation.”

“The judges had some very important questions,” said Betty-Anne Daviss, co-author of the largest study ever conducted to assess the safety of homebirth.  ”Namely, they wanted to know if a woman has a Constitutional right to birth her baby at home with whom she wants.”  Daviss pointed out that governments in both Canada and Great Britain are working to expand public access to midwives like Diane and, by so doing, are seeing a decrease in maternal and infant mortality rates in those countries.

Goslin’s  lawyers argued in a courtroom packed with 250 supporters, according to  James Strickler, President of PA Families for Safe Birth.

“When I walked outside and saw the sea of people who had come out to support Diane and homebirth freedom, I was overcome,” said Faith Bucks, Chiropractor and co-founder of SaveHomebirth.com.  Amish and Plain men, women and babies had come by the hundreds from across Pennsylvania to show their desire to maintain their freedom to birth at home with the midwives of their choice.

 

*Pennsylvania Families for Safe Birth , a newly formed consumer organization, has begun the process of creating legislation to license Certified Professional Midwives in Pennsylvania. PFSB’s mission is to “support families’ access to safe, appropriate, evidence-based care during pregnancy, labor, birth and the postpartum period.”  For more information, please visit www.pasafebirth.org. 

ACOG: Out of Touch with Needs of Childbearing Families

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Thursday, February 7, 2008

Trade Union claims out-of-hospital birth is “trendy;”tries to play the “bad mother” card

(February 7, 2008) — The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), a trade union representing the financial and professional interests of obstetricians, has issued the latest in a series of statements condemning families who choose home birth and calling on policy makers to deny them access to Certified Professional Midwives. CPMs are trained as experts in out-of-hospital delivery and as specialists in risk assessment and preventative care.

“It will certainly come as news to the Amish and other groups in this country who have long chosen home birth that they’re simply being ‘trendy’ or ‘fashionable,’” said Katie Prown, PhD, Campaign Manager of The Big Push for Midwives 2008. “The fact is, families deliver their babies at home for a variety of very valid reasons, either because they’re exercising their religious freedom, following their cultural traditions or because of financial need. These families deserve access to safe, quality and affordable maternity care, just like everyone else.”

Besides referring to home birth as a fashionable “trend” and a “cause célèbre” that families choose out of ignorance, ACOG’s latest statement adds insult to injury by claiming that women delivering outside of the hospital are bad mothers who value the childbirth “experience” over the safety of their babies.

“ACOG has it backwards,” said Steff Hedenkamp, Communications Coordinator of The Big Push and the mother of two children born at home. “I delivered my babies with a trained, skilled professional midwife because I wanted the safest out-of-hospital care possible. If every state were to follow ACOG’s recommendations and outlaw CPMs, families who choose home birth will be left with no care providers at all. I think we can all agree that this is an irresponsible policy that puts mothers and babies at risk.”

The Big Push for Midwives calls on ACOG to abandon these outdated policies and work with CPMs to reduce the cesarean rate and to take meaningful steps towards reducing racial and ethnic disparities in birth outcomes in all regions of the United States. CPMs play a critical role in both cesarean prevention and in the reduction of low-birth weight and pre-term births, the two most preventable causes of neonatal mortality.

Moreover, their training as specialists in out-of-hospital maternity care qualifies CPMs as essential first responders during disasters in which hospitals become inaccessible or unsafe for laboring mothers. In addition, CPMs work to ensure that all babies born outside of the hospital undergo state-mandated newborn screenings and are provided with legal and secure birth certificates.

Currently, Certified Nurse-Midwives, who work predominantly in hospital settings, are licensed and regulated in all 50 states, while Certified Professional Midwives, who work in out-of-hospital settings, are licensed and regulated in 24 states, with legislation pending in an additional 20 states.

The Big Push for Midwives (http://www.TheBigPushforMidwives.org) is a nationally coordinated campaign to advocate for regulation and licensure of Certified Professional Midwives (CPMs) in all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico, and to push back against the attempts of the American Medical Association Scope of Practice Partnership to deny American families access to legal midwifery care.

Media inquiries should be directed to Steff Hedenkamp (816) 506-4630, RedQuill@kc.rr.com.

#####

 

The Big Push for Midwives Campaign 2008 – Legislation, NOT Prosecution | www.TheBigPushforMidwives.org
PushThink: The Big Push for Midwives Campaign prints on post-consumer paper.
PushNews from The Big Push for Midwives Campaign
CONTACT: Steff Hedenkamp, (816) 506-4630, RedQuill@kc.rr.com

Recipe for a Homebirth

Ingredients:

1 pregnant momma, round with child, ripe and juicy
1 loving partner or spouse, heart opened, head clear
1—2 midwives, well seasoned and wise
1 apprentice and/or assistant, fresh and green
Optional:  friends, family, guardian angels (to taste)
Several bucketfulls of love
Large quantities of trust and faith
Pinch of humor

Directions:

Combine pregnant momma with her partner…let simmer, uninterrupted.
Add in midwives and apprentice, stir occasionally to keep mixture balanced and smooth.
Fold in generous amounts of love, trust, and faith.
Add in friends and family, as needed.
Keep pregnant momma warm.
Allow mixture to bubble until overflowing with energy…and compassion.
Ignore the clock and allow ingredients to rest.
When indicated, add in skill and restore faith in the process.  
Add more love.
When ingredients begin to boil, add pinch of humor.
Turn up heat and let energy continue to RISE RISE RISE

Yield:  One slippery, wonderful, miraculous newborn.  (sometimes recipe doubles, producing TWO!)

Serving instructions: Enjoy warm, with plenty of breast milk.

 

Beth Leianne Curtis, Sept. 06

With Woman

Wise Woman
Midwife
The timeless thread
I am woven in to the Cosmic Fabric
That blankets all space and time.

Wise Woman
Baby Catcher
From Woman to Woman
and Sister to Sister
The sacred knowledge is passed
As we guard those women in labor
Thundering through the ancient dance of birth.

Wise Woman
Earth Mama
Come!
Celebrate with us!
As we touch the future-
with our hands.

 

Beth Leianne Curtis

Outcomes of planned home births with certified professional midwives: large prospective study in North America

Kenneth C Johnson, Betty-Anne Daviss

Abstract

Objective To evaluate the safety of home births in North America involving direct entry midwives, in jurisdictions where the practice is not well integrated into the healthcare system.

Design Prospective cohort study.

Setting All home births involving certified professional midwives across the United States (98% of cohort) and Canada, 2000.

Participants All 5418 women expecting to deliver in 2000 supported by midwives with a common certification and who planned to deliver at home when labour began.

Main outcome measures Intrapartum and neonatal mortality, perinatal transfer to hospital care, medical intervention during labour, breast feeding, and maternal satisfaction.

Results 655 (12.1%) women who intended to deliver at home when labour began were transferred to hospital. Medical intervention rates included epidural (4.7%), episiotomy (2.1%), forceps (1.0%), vacuum extraction (0.6%), and caesarean section (3.7%); these rates were substantially lower than for low risk US women having hospital births. The intrapartum and neonatal mortality among women considered at low risk at start of labour, excluding deaths concerning life threatening congenital anomalies, was 1.7 deaths per 1000 planned home births, similar to risks in other studies of low risk home and hospital births in North America. No mothers died. No discrepancies were found for perinatal outcomes independently validated.

Conclusions Planned home birth for low risk women in North America using certified professional midwives was associated with lower rates of medical intervention but similar intrapartum and neonatal mortality to that of low risk hospital births in the United States.

Read the full report here – PDF DOWNLOAD

The Whole Mother

“Mother is the root which, sunk in the depths of the cosmos, can draw up its juices; she is the fountain whence springs forth the living water, water that is also nourishing milk” Simone de Beauvoir

Ah, Motherhood!  For many of us, the act of being a mum can be a transformative and healing experience.  We experience carrying our babes in our growing bellies, and we push them out with our strength and power in to the conscious world.  Holding a newborn and breastfeeding can invoke powerful feelings of bliss, joy and contentment.  Watching our children grow, develop, and become aware of their own selves, is truly awe-inspiring.  

Many readers of this magazine choose to embrace mothering as an art, an experience, as a journey.  Some of us “unschool” our children, so they can experience learning in a non-competitive, individualized way.  Some us choose to feed our children organic, whole foods, breastfeed them until they self wean, co-sleep until they leave the family bed with their own time frame.  We stay at home so we can nurture their needs and experience the journey of life right along side of them.  

Yet, it is important to give ourselves moments of pause, even permission, to have feelings of anger and frustration in our role as Mother.  The stories of “the good mother” that are embedded deep in our collective unconscious are often idealic and unrealistic.  We are told, by religions, television commercials, and cultural myths that the Good Mother is self-sacrificing, always nurturing, always happy to go that extra mile to make the family happy and whole.  Stories throughout time make it clear that the Good Mother is angelic, pure, truly asexual and selfless.  Images of the Virgin Mary, Mother Theresa, and the 1950’s “happy homemaker” still permeate our cultural landscape of what a real mother looks and acts like.  

Yet, in the groundbreaking book, The Myths of Motherhood, author and psychologist Shari L. Thurer points out “I cannot ever recall treating a mother who did not harbor shameful secrets about how her behavior or feelings damaged her children”.  In recent discussions with different mothers in my varying social networks, when I bring up the highs and lows of mothering, after an initial period of quiet embarrassment, most Mum’s have shared that they too, have felt disillusioned and alone at varying times in their careers as Mum’s.  My own recent experience with feeling completely overwhelmed and overextended in my otherwise “perfect” holistic stay- at home Mum career has been disheartening and illuminating all at once. Suddenly, seeing that like my children, I too would ebb and flow though moments of growth and regression in my role of Mother, I suddenly felt like I had permission to express my feelings about just how challenging being a mother of two small sons could be!

The mystery of childbirth provides us with a wonderful framework for embracing and understanding the many facets of Motherhood.   In birth, we understand that there will be times of hardship, despair, and self doubt.  We understand that the arduous work of labor can be very lonely and extremely frightening.  When I assist a woman in labor, I give her space to move through this dark, uncharted territory with support and honor.  I assure her with my words and touch, that this is absolutely normal, purposeful and safe.  Every labor is different, and every woman copes and moves through the challenge of the contractions in a different way.  In this world of unmedicated, normal birth, we encourage a woman to open up to the pain, to cry, to moan and to experience and express the darkest parts of herself in a safe environment.  When the contraction subsides, we encourage a woman to drink in the rest time, to enjoy the space, to be in that moment and that moment only.  A woman’s emotions run the full spectrum during the birth of her baby, and we allow a space for all of them, with unconditional regard.

Applying this knowledge to our lives as mothers, we are then able to allow the cycles of anger, difficulty and sadness to move through us, without judgment, as we cope with the ups and downs of being a parent.  If we realize that it is normal to feel anger and frustration at those lovely little children that we have brought in to this world, we can step back and allow the feelings to happen without feelings of embarrassment.  As we cried in our labors, again we can cry when we feel moments of disconnection with our children. Just like any other art, there is no perfection in birth, and there is no perfection in mothering!  

Sometimes, friends and family, with the best intentions, can be very invalidating of our varied feelings. “You need to do this” or “You should do that” may be quickly offered up.   When people are less supportive of our lifestyle choices, the comments can even be uglier. “You wouldn’t be so upset if you had weaned that child when he was a year old” or “That’s what you get for all sleeping in the same bed!” have been just some of those pointed jabs that I have received when I was struggling with toddler issues with my own two boys.   Even when well-meaning acquaintances offer advice, instead of offering shoulders to lean on, we are again swept in to the world of ‘should haves” and “ought to’s”. As a busy Mum, when the road ahead seems unclear, this often only adds to the confusion.  

What then can we do as we go through transitions?  First, remember that when YOUR friends and sisters are traveling through rough spots in their own personal journeys, YOU can remember to say, “How can I help”, “Tell me more” or “I am so sad that you are going through this tough time” without adding on yet another concrete tip for parenting success.  Because we live in the ‘information age” sometimes the best gift we can give a friend or indeed, a friend can give us is, the space to cry and to question.  Second, when you are looking for peace in a stormy sea, try solutions that are more process based, rather than focusing on a solution or quick fix.  Sometimes the solution to “why am I so angry, so tired, so (fill in the blank)” is only a signal from the universe to go inward and to spend sometime in quiet exploration of your multifaceted, multi-tasking, wonderful mothering self!  

Seven Mindful Ways to Embrace Your Whole Mothering 

1. Embrace the seasons as they cycle with your body.

If you live in a geographic zone where you experience the changes of the seasons, it is easy to feel the effects of climate and energy on your body and mood.  

Even if you do not live in a seasonal climate, you can still experiment with tapping into these energies by doing some quiet meditative work.  Give yourself permission to feel:

*Summer energy:  Notice the times when you feel vibrant, energetic, filled with sexual heat and energy.

*Autumn energy; Attune to times of cooling down, distancing from relationships and your children, feeling your pulse and internal heat in a more withdrawn, quiet state.

*Winter energy: Feel your dark side!  Allow yourself to go inward, make peace with the unknown, permit your anger and allow solitude.  Go inward, make peace with ‘The Destroyer” in you.

*Spring energy; See when you feel rebirth, newness and interest in creative mothering.  Let your mothering relationships blossom and grow.

2. Experiment with free form symbolic art.

Without judging your artistic ability or skill, create a symbolic representation of what you are feeling as a Mother.  Use different mediums (crayons, pencils, pastels) to express feeling tones.  Try to draw continuously for at least 10—15 minutes without stopping.

When your creation is complete, save it as a mandala for mediation.

3. Make an alter to Motherhood

Find a small table or upside down box to create a sacred space in a corner of a room.  Put a beautiful cloth over the table or box, and place items, icons, figures or symbols which represent the full range of your Mothering.  Photos or magazine images, books, or inspirational quotes make nice additions.  

4. Use candles, scents and oils to mark your feelings.

Burning sage is clearing and purifying, as Lavender is relaxing and calming.  Rosemary and Peppermint are stimulating where Sandalwood and Vanilla are sensual and exotic.  Find scents which call to your mood and state of mind, and put a drop of the essential oil on your pulse points, your belly button, your third eye.

5. Hold a sacred Mother’s Circle.

Invite a gathering of mothers to share some time and positive energy each month or with the change of seasons. You can create a formal ritual to mark the many facets of Mothering feelings, or let the time be unstructured and open for sharing and discussion. Sit in a circle, light some candles, make sacred time and space. Drink delicious herbal teas or wine and fill your bellies with good, wholesome foods!

6. Try some yoga or body mind movement practice.

Yoga links the breath with the body and calls attention to opposing dynamics in the body.  As in mothering, you can learn to embrace opposites existing in the same space and time.  You can love breastfeeding your infant, but loathe changing your three year old’s diapers, all at once. Balancing and accepting opposing energies in yogic practice can be a valuable tool in daily life as a mum!

7. Learn to chart your cycles and moods with the moon.

As the moon waxes and wanes, so too do we as women!  By reconnecting with the ancient wisdom of tracking menstrual cycles and feelings with the moon, you can empower yourself to embrace all the phases and stages of your life.  A great tool is the We’Moon Date book, filled with gorgeous art for and by women. The book and calendar are sure to inspire you to enjoy the seasons of your moods and mindsets. For more info visit: www.wemoon.ws

Beth Curtis, owns Believe In Birth, in Philadelphia.  She is a  Homebirth Midwife and Childbirth Educator. She can be reached at beth@believeinbirth.com

 

 

 

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